i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
