Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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