Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
