Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
