apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
