Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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