dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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