I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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