He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
