You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
