dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
