ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
