Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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