This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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