Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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