Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
