i just wanna soil my oats bro
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
