wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
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You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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