and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
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Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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