I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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