he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
