Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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