We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
