I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
