another moral hangover. fuck.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
