So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
