You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She's the barista slut.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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