I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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