Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
