I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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