She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
