I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
