im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
