Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
