i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
