brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
