So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
