I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
