And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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