I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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