My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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