i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
