I'm going to rape someone's good day.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
