I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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