Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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