My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
