Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
