no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
