Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
