i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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