I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
