I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
this hospital has no fireball
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
