I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
