I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
