Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
