You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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