Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
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The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
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I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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