Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
