I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
