he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
