margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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