My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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