Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex in a hospital.. check
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize