she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
