My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
