there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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