I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
