Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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