I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
