I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
